My relationship with my mom....

Subject: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:21 am

I am needing your prayers right now. My mom and I have never had a good relationship and things are really coming to a point that things are needing to be discussed and worked out. My parents divorced when I was 9, my brother 3 and I really feel that my mom never has really had help to get through that loss.
It has really hurt my relationship with her, because I felt over the years that she put me in my Dad's shoes. It just made my childhood short. Not trying to give a sob story, just trying to help you see how this didnt build a close relationship then. We talked today and agreed we need to talk, but she is known to scream and I cant deal with that. She just has so much anger in her.
I want to give this to prayer for awhile, before I talk with her---or possibly just sit down and write her. She is in Arkansas and I am in Texas, so visit are not too often.
Thank you all for giving me your shoulders and prayers......Smiles, Gin GreenSmile

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It is the lack of Christianity that has brought us where we are. Not a lack of churches or religious forms but of the real thing in our hearts. LIW.....Words From a Fearless Heart

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:33 am

{{{Gin}}}

You certainly have my prayers. I'll be praying that your Mom has a receptive spirit when you speak with her, or when she reads the letter - whichever you decide to do.
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Pray hardest when it's hardest to pray.

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:02 am

Oh Gin, I can certainly relate to difficult parent/child relationships. I'll be praying for both of you and that good things will come of this talk.

{{HUGS}}

Cheryl
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All my life, I wanted to be like you - Laura to Ma in The Last Farewell

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:30 am

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:36 am

I'll be praying
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Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone ~~Kenny Chesney~~

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:10 pm

Oh Gin, I'm sorry to hear this. Family can be so much fun, can't they?!

I can relate with the irrational 'screaming' thing...I have a sister no one can talk to either. She actually asked to meet with my other older sister and I recently, and we knew that it would not be a good idea. There was no way we were going to be able to have a 'rational' conversation. So we decided to write her a letter, and we feel SO good about this, I can't even tell you. You know, there is just something about the written word, versus language in person. When you have a conversation/argument in person, you always kick yourself later and think, "Oh shoot, I wanted to say this" or "Why didn't I say that?" And the other person will be able to twist whatever you have to say around to suit their own needs later on when thinking back on the conversation, do you know what I mean? We wrote a VERY loving letter to my sister, stating all the necessary things we'd need to have happen in order for us to have a relationship with her. (She has an addiction and we also feel she is mentally unstable), so we insisted that she get help. We don't have any false hope that she has read that letter and simply agreed to our terms...this will take time. But the fact is, she has that letter in her possession, and will be able to refer back to it and read it word for word, rather than think back to what would have definitely been a very heated argument had we met with her. In this way, we feel like we actually may have a shot at getting her help. My parents read it too, and are backing us up completely, for the first time in ALL these years of trying to help her. (They're her greatest enablers).

I realize my situation is different from yours, but just wanted to share that experience with you. Maybe you could start with the letter, get everything off your chest that you want to say. Let her digest that for a few weeks, and then meet to discuss it? Just a thought.

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you. I can't imagine not having a good relationship with my mom...this thing with my sister has come between us in some ways, but not nearly like what divorce can do to a relationship. I don't blame you for having serious resentments. You'll be in my prayers, and let us know how it goes.
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Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:00 pm

I will pray for you Gin. I also have difficult relatives in my family, it's not easy dealing with them face to face, everything turn to arguments and fights. I've learn to just ignore them, like how you tell your kids: "When you're ready to talk to me in a nice way, I'm here for you." But, of course, these are my distant relatives, and you're dealing with your own mother. Writing letters is definitely a better way like Amy said. I'm sorry I haven't chatted with you on MSN lately, just give me a holler, I'll be there!! {{{Gin}}}
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"Within the heart of every stray, lies the singular desire to be loved."

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:24 pm

Thank you all very much for your thoughts and prayers. This will be tricky, but so far I think I will at least sit down and write down what all I think needs to be discussed. (like a list) LOL
Then I might actually write a letter. I do NOT look forward to doing that....I dont have a relationship with my dad at all now and have had to do this same thing with him a few years ago. He wrote me a 5 pager full of really harsh things...but I have no regrets.
The biggest problem here is that Mom has no idea what is bothering me. She just expects me to be a loving daughter ready to take care of her in her old age. The thought of possibly living with her makes me break out! As I told Rhonda today, Mom and I dont even pick our nose with the same finger! She and I are nothing alike, and that really makes it hard to meet on the same turf.
Like I said ....this needs much prayer and with Gods guidence this will be resolved to a point of being workable. Thanks again for your support, I couldn't replace any of you.
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It is the lack of Christianity that has brought us where we are. Not a lack of churches or religious forms but of the real thing in our hearts. LIW.....Words From a Fearless Heart

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Tue Apr 22, 2008 6:08 am

{{{{GIN}}}} I will keep both of you in my prayers.

I think that is a wonderful idea to write down things first, to really give some thought to what you might want to say. Letters are a great idea too. Sometimes it makes it easier to get the things out that you really want to say, and is an ice-breaker for further conversation.

I'm sorry to hear that your dad had some harsh things to say to you. Sometimes a lot of that is more out of guilt and feeling on the defensive, than anything else.

I do hope things work out.
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Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:02 pm

I'm with Amy, on how families can be such fun But Gin, I'm praying for you and your mom, that are able to have a relationship and that when you talk to her, things go well. It's not easy to talk about something important when you're nervous, I think writing things down too might help you put things in perspective so you know exactly what you want to discuss beforehand. Know that we're all praying for you, and best wishes with this. Let us know how it goes. {{hugs}}

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Take me back to Walnut Grove, I became Albert Ingalls there

Subject: Re: My relationship with my mom.... Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:16 pm

Gin, I am praying for you and your mom. God is in control and He loves His children. I will pray that His will is done and that you and your mom can have a better relatioship. Have faith, my friend. Keep us posted. Love ya!
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