HomeHome  PortalPortal  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  MemberlistMemberlist  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Modern Day Noah

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Rhonda
Prairie Survivor
Prairie Survivor


Number of posts : 19956
Location : On my bike!!!
Mood :

PostSubject: Modern Day Noah   Thu Nov 22, 2007 10:14 am

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"


"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."


ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL



CANCER FREE!!!  April 9, 1998-April 9, 2016-I AM A SURVIVOR!!!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Lily
"Beautiful Life"



Number of posts : 6784
Location : In the town shopping
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:52 pm

ROTFL Rhonda!! Very funny and true!!



"Within the heart of every stray, lies the singular desire to be loved."
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Carol
Adventure Seeker


Number of posts : 8656
Location : California Country
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:34 pm

Oh my word! ROTFL
That was too funny!


Back to top Go down
View user profile http://myworldthroughthelens.smugmug.com/
Savannah
"Psalm 34"



Number of posts : 53815
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Thu Nov 22, 2007 6:44 pm

:Hahaha:
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Vanesa
Ingalls Friend for Life
Ingalls Friend for Life


Number of posts : 5178
Location : Buenos Aires, Argentina
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Thu Nov 22, 2007 10:48 pm

ROTFL Applause happy1 :Hahaha:

Vanesa.


Back to top Go down
View user profile http://jacintapichimahuida.obolog.com
emilyanneoftheprairie
Sid's Girl
Sid's Girl


Number of posts : 3542
Location : near the Penguins and Steelers lovin' city!!!
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Fri Nov 23, 2007 2:15 pm

hahaha ROTFL



I want to be the best, so whatever comes with that, I’ll have to accept. ~Sidney Crosby
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Buttercup
Ingalls Friend for Life
Ingalls Friend for Life


Number of posts : 3347
Location : Michigan
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:38 am

ROTFL funny & so true.




Back to top Go down
View user profile
Krissy
Ingalls Friend for Life
Ingalls Friend for Life


Number of posts : 37837
Location : Ontario, Canada
Mood :

PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Sun Jan 22, 2012 9:35 pm

ROTFL true


“Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it... Yet.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Modern Day Noah   Today at 5:28 am

Back to top Go down
 
Modern Day Noah
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Scandinavian? Modern Pottery Horse With Male & Female Riders
» Modern Polish or not?
» Noah's Ark in Hong Kong!!
» More than Fat Lava / Mid Century & Modern German Ceramics Exhibition June 18th Amsterdam
» This is my rendering of a modern day scientist.

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: The Prairie Playground :: Jokes, Polls & Fun Links-
Jump to: