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 I just don't know what to do

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ChristinaAL
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PostSubject: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:59 pm

My dad and I have always been so close; he's always been funny, energetic, enthusiastic and just happy-go-lucky (for lack of a better word). Now, for the past few months - since around the beginning of December - he's just been so down all the time. He sleeps a lot, he'll turn the TV on and just stare blankly at whatever channel's on or sometimes just stare into space without the TV at all, he doesn't want to go anywhere or do the things he used to do. Even when I talk and joke - try to act normal how we used to - he's quiet and I can tell he's just going along with things and not really interested. He says he knows he's depressed. I guess the first part is admitting it - it's just so shocking coming from him, especially knowing how he's been for my entire life. Things have been rough with his work lately - he owns his own business and with the way the economy is, there's just not much demand for him. He worries about money, even though he and my mom have saved for years and she has told him not to worry, that if need be, she'll go back to work and he can get a different job. I guess the economy and world in general are bothering him - they are rather bleak, I've just never known him to not be able to get past something like this.

I've been praying for weeks that he somehow comes out of this - I feel like I'm losing my father. I know that the prayers are working b/c now, he seems to be trying, at times at least. Tonight, he went to the bookstore and came home, and told us about a book he'd found there about "nervous suffering", which is what he believes he's going through. It gave him some ideas to help, but I just don't know how he could get himself out of this. I don't know how we could help get him out of this. My mother's idea of helping is yelling at him to "let things go" or "talk to someone". He doesn't want to talk to a psychiatrist b/c he's worried they'll prescribe him medication, and he doesn't want to take it. I guess I should mention that depression sort of runs in his family - his mother (my grandmother), suffered from it her whole life.

I've been trying to just cope with it, telling myself that it's just a temporary thing and maybe it is, but I just don't know what else I can do. It's awkward talking to him about it - I don't know whether I should talk about it, or not make a point of it; I don't know if he feels better talking about it or not talking about it. I really don't know much about depression, except that my grandmother was off her medication for several years when I was a child and she turned into a whole different person without them. I don't ever want that to be my dad - I want him to be in my life like he used to be, I want him to be in the lives of my future children the way he used to be in mine. I was just hoping that someone knows more about this topic than do - possibly a suggestion of what he can do, and how I can help. Also, if you could pray that those things are possible - that my father is able to come out of this and we can help him - I would be very grateful.




"It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures and to be cheerful and have courage when things go wrong."
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:10 pm

Christina, depression is a terrible thing, my mom has suffered with it for a very long time. It also runs in my family, and several of us kids have been on anti-depressants at one time or another. Mine hit me first when my last boy was born, you know, the baby blues......then the other time was when I was suffering with cancer. Some people are able to kick it on their own, others can't and need medication. Anti-depressants have come a long way from when my mom first went on them, so even tho he doesn't want to be put on any, a low dosage might be what he needs. The economy is getting a lot of people down and especially those that are self employed. I will pray for your father, but in the meantime, be there for him and when he wants to talk, listen. Maybe you could give him a project to do that has to do with your wedding.......he might get involved in it and really enjoy it........chin up Christina, this too shall pass..... Love



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JW
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:14 pm

oh Depress must be Horriabel Hang in there Christina I'll Pray for you Dad


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Teresa
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:20 pm

Christina,
You and your father will be in my prayers. I'm so sorry that he has been going through such a difficult time. My dad is also self-employed. Another factor to take into consideration is the time of year. I can't remember where you are from, but the winter months are especially difficult when people are feeling down. Hopefully he will continue to get better on his own, and feel good about his life. Maybe you can let him know that you're always there for him if he needs someone to talk to. Rhonda had a good idea about getting him involved in helping with wedding plans. Keep us updated on how things are going. He's lucky to have such a loving and supportive daughter!


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Rob
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:34 pm

Christina, I was treated for depression when I was in my 20s. The psychiatrist put me on an anti-depressant medication - Limbitrol - and the change in my outlook was so dramatic. It took a couple weeks to begin working, but once it did, it was like coming out of a dark fog into bright sunshine.

There are so many different meds out there now. There's no reason that anybody should have to live with depression. If your dad gets help, he can put this behind him in no time at all and go back to being the same man he was before. Thumbsup

I'll keep him in my prayers.
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ChristinaAL
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:44 pm

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words and prayers. It's a lot to take in. Rhonda, maybe that is a good idea, about getting my dad involved in a project for the wedding, I will have to give that some thought and see what I can think of. Also, Teresa, we live in PA and it's been cold and dreary lately - I know he's never enjoyed the long winters.

I think I am going to buy him the book he said he looked at in the bookstore (he didn't actually buy it). Maybe it will help him to read more of it, but I really don't think it's something he can come out of on his own. I guess I can see what a little more time brings, and I may encourage him to see a psychiatrist. I think he would be able to be persuaded by me, and hopefully that will help. I think I'll ask some of my friends if they know anyone local.

Thank you all for your thoughts! I truly appreciate it. {{hugs}}





"It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures and to be cheerful and have courage when things go wrong."
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:17 pm

I can't offer any better advice than has already been offered, but I wanted you to know that I'm praying for your Dad, and for you, too, Christina. grouphug
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:46 pm

Just letting you know that I'll be praying. Thankfully nobody in my family has been like that, but it must be awful. Smiley Hug Hang in there!





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Lily
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:38 pm

{{{Christina}}} I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. But, I believe he will pull through this. He seems to realize that he needs help by looking for books on it, he's not in denial. I will pray for your Dad. I think Rhonda's idea is terrific, have your Dad be involve with your wedding plan, he needs to feel that he is needed.



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Vanesa
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:43 pm

Dear Christina:

Ill be praying for your dad. I know how awful depression is, since my father suffered from it some time ago. The doctor said to him that it is "the nowadays illness" along with cancer.. .I know how bad the person who suffers from depression feels, and how sad the family is, without being able to do almost anything. Be brave, and try to help your daddy, praying and being as nice as you can to him. Be sure if he needs some medication, for they are depressions who needs them, and others who could cure pretty easy by the willing of the sick person and the love of the family.

I'll be praying for you.

Vanesa. grouphug


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bethandmanly
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sat Feb 02, 2008 11:16 pm

I'm sorry to hear about this Christina. I was actually on anti-depressants many years ago and they didn't do much for me. I just had to kick it on my own. But that doesn't work for everyone. While I've never been privy to my mother's mental health information, I do know she was on medication most of her adult life and I think she would have been considered bi-polar today.

Just because your dad goes to someone for help doesn't mean he'll end up on drugs. He could make it very clear that he will not use medication to treat his depression. And if I remember right, only a psychiatrist can prescribe meds, so perhaps he should talk to a psychologist. And maybe you don't have to talk to him about it, maybe just letting him know you are there will help him.

Good luck. I'll be praying for you.

{{HUGS}}


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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:28 pm

This is all really great advice here, Christina. I really don't have anything to add, just that I hope that your dad will see for himself that he needs to get some kind of help for this. Life is too short to just let it pass you by like that. I'll be praying for him, and for you...it's hard as a daughter to watch our parents go through anything. I will pray you'll find strength in the journey...just continue to be the loving, supportive daughter I know you are, and continue to encourage him. Wink


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pamh36
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:11 am

It sounds like your dad is taking the first steps to getting better, just by realizing he has a problem. Reading up on it will probably help him and realizing that he is not alone in this, will probably eventually give him the courage to get the help he needs.

It sounds like your mom is just getting frustrated. It is very hard to watch someone you live with and care about so much (which I know that you know this) go downhill and not know what you can do to help them. That helpless feeling sometimes causes you to lash out just because you don't know what else to do.

Has your dad thought about doing any volunteer work? Since my dad retired, he has started delivering Meals-on-Wheels. It makes him feel good to be helping out in the community and gives him a chance to socialize with others (which he is very good at). Sometimes just the feeling that you are contributing in some way will help. At least until your dad gets busy working again.

I know sometimes Tim would get depressed when he would get laid-off from his job. That whole issue about being a man and feeling like he should be the one supporting his family. Luckily things started getting better for him once he started working again and we were able to dig ourselves out of the financial hole we fell in.

I will keep your dad in my prayers. I know it's difficult to watch someone you care about so much suffering, and not knowing how to help him. Just continue to be there for him and I hope, soon, he starts feeling more like himself again. {{{{HUGS}}}}


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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:26 am

pamh36 wrote:
Has your dad thought about doing any volunteer work? Since my dad retired, he has started delivering Meals-on-Wheels. It makes him feel good to be helping out in the community and gives him a chance to socialize with others (which he is very good at). Sometimes just the feeling that you are contributing in some way will help. At least until your dad gets busy working again.

I would like to see both my parents do the same thing, Pam. They have been retired for two years now, and I really feel like they don't have enough to do or focus on. I watched a Dr. Phil once where he was talking to someone who was really messed up in their life (not that my parents are, but just going for an example), and that he said you need to take the focus off yourself. As soon as you start putting the focus on other people, you will feel better about your own self. So I think this is a really good idea that you've suggested for Christina's dad...good thinking! Thumbsup


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Gin
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:35 pm

Christina, sorry to hear your dad is so down. I know how it can affect the family as a whole when someone is down. You might just ask him what he would tell you if it were the one needing to make changes. Get him the book, read it also. That way you can know what it involves. I'll keep your family in my prayers. Smile its contagious.




It is the lack of Christianity that has brought us where we are. Not a lack of churches or religious forms but of the real thing in our hearts. LIW.....Words From a Fearless Heart
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pamh36
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:22 pm

Amy wrote:
I would like to see both my parents do the same thing, Pam. They have been retired for two years now, and I really feel like they don't have enough to do or focus on. I watched a Dr. Phil once where he was talking to someone who was really messed up in their life (not that my parents are, but just going for an example), and that he said you need to take the focus off yourself. As soon as you start putting the focus on other people, you will feel better about your own self. So I think this is a really good idea that you've suggested for Christina's dad...good thinking! Thumbsup

I've noticed that it makes my dad feel really good. His regular route is only once a week, but he does sub often for other people. It's funny too, because his route is literally right in my neighborhood. I see him all the time when I'm out running around at that time of day. I think any kind of volunteer work is wonderful.


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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:36 pm

Aww, I am so sorry to hear about this. Blue I will for sure say a prayer for him! :alright:


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Vanesa
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:25 pm

Maybe he is a little down for you are getting married. Since he is so close to you, he must feel sad thinking you are going away...Of course, it's absurd, for everyone needs to make their own way on life, but sometimes, parents feel alone and anguished when they knows their children are founding homes on their own. What about talking to him about this problem...Maybe he feels a little better.

Vanesa.


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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:28 pm

I'm sorry this is happening Christina. Blue
A lot of good advice has been given here already. I know it must be tough on you watching your dad this way, but like some have said... finding an activity that keeps him busy and gives him a sense of self worth is a great thing.

I think you should talk to your mother and tell her to be more careful of how she reacts because yelling is not the way to go.... I think that gets your dad more down... it is best to use positive language.... saying things like:

"Dad, I know you would do great talking to someone about this, You've always been a person who does the right thing and this is something that I'm sure you can just try... just to see how it is... "
Try to make him feel like he is the one in control, like if he were the one to make the decision...

I hope he gets better Christina. He will be in my prayers.


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ChristinaAL
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:38 pm

Sorry I haven't been here in a few days, things have been busy but I wanted to make sure to check in and at least let you all know how things were going. This may sound weird, but we had a little Superbowl party on Sunday, and my dad seemed more enthusiastic than he has been lately to have us around, and actually interested in the game. It was refreshing to see him happy, even if it was just a game. But before the party, he and I were talking a little and he said he was thinking about calling his family doctor, if for nothing else then for a referral of a doctor he could talk to. I suggested he do so on Monday. As far as I know...he hasn't yet, and his mood is still down. I'm not sure if I should bring it up...but if he hasn't called his doctor in a few days, I may try to gently bring up the subject, like with what you said, Carol, being position and making it as though it's his decision, I don't want to force it on him. Thank you all so much, it's really a good feeling to know that we have so many prayers and wonderful advice in a bad situation. {{hugs}}




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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:04 am

I'm sure your dad is going to have his 'up and down' days. I like you're attitude in this ...just being positive and still 'playing up' the fact that it is ultimately his decision and he's in control, but still being encouraging just the same. I think that's all you can do at this point. I wish you and your dad the best, Christina. Keep us posted! Wink


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pamh36
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:11 am

That is good to hear that your dad is at least thinking about seeking help. I'm glad that the game perked him up a bit.


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ChristinaAL
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sun Feb 10, 2008 5:01 pm

Thanks, Pam and Amy. It seems like this past week, after it initially starting out well, things went a little downhill. To make a long story short, yesterday was a bad day and my mom and I are both encouraging my dad to talk to someone. She and I have been talking a lot this weekend and are realizing that my father's state of mind has been affecting us as well; we just can't all keep on like this. So tomorrow, my mom's going to stay with my dad while he makes a doctor's appointment with his family doctor. He's afraid of someone he knows, outside the family, finding out that something is "wrong" with him b/c he just wants to keep it private, so he may end up going to another town, if his doctor can refer someone. I'm just praying he is able to get on the road to the person he used to be soon, I feel like we're losing him even more and the fact that this week things spiralled downward so fast is making me especially worried.




"It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures and to be cheerful and have courage when things go wrong."
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Lily
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Sun Feb 10, 2008 10:18 pm

I'm still praying for you. {{{ Christina }}}



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bethandmanly
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PostSubject: Re: I just don't know what to do   Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:03 am

We're still praying over here too, so try to keep your chin up and don't forget to take care of yourself too.


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