Post your Joke!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun May 25, 2014 10:56 pm

Rob wrote:: Love it! But I bet younger folks won't understand what she was trying to do.

I understand it. My mom used to have a type writer, when I was a child. I also seen alot of shows using a type writer. So, I get it.

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:54 pm

A blonde and her friend were out hunting. Suddenly the friend clutched her chest and fell to the ground.

Panicked, the blonde pulled out her phone and dialed 911.

"Help, help!" she shouted. "My friend is dead!"

"Slow down, now, dear," said the operator. "Let's make sure she's really dead first."

"Okay," said the blonde. She laid down her phone and the operator heard a loud BANG!

The blonde picked her phone back up. "Okay, she's dead. Now what should I do?"

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Jun 04, 2014 9:04 am

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Jun 04, 2014 9:12 am

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:14 pm

I've heard of that actually happening!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:31 am

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:29 am

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Jul 21, 2014 8:23 pm

Night after night, the Irishman followed the same routine. He'd go into the pub and order five shots of whiskey. Then he'd raise each glass in a silent toast and drink them down.

After watching this for several weeks, the bartender got curious. "I've noticed you always order five shots of whiskey. Is there a story behind that?"

"Aye, lad," said the Irishman. "I have four brothers, and we all used to go out drinking together. Well, my brothers have all moved away, so whenever I come to the pub, I drink a shot for each of them, and one for myself."

One night the Irishman came into the pub and ordered only four shots. The bartender said to him, "I'm almost afraid to ask... did something happen to one of your brothers?"

"Nay, lad," said the Irishman. "My brothers are fine. It's me. My doctor said I have to quit drinking."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:46 am

The Island of Trid

Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid.

It seems that most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain, the Giant would kick him into the ocean. Trids are notoriously bad swimmers, and frequently drowned when kicked into the ocean.

The Trids were a very sexual people, and the population had grown quite large. Every square inch of the island, except the mountain, was crowded with Trids.

The Trids spent their days crowded together, dreaming of the open space available on the ever visible mountain. Every few days, a Trid would decide he couldn't stand the crowds any more. He would start to climb the mountain, and the Giant would kick the Trid into the ocean.The Trids were a very depressed people.

One day a traveling Rabbi visited the Island of Trid. Despite their overcrowded conditions, the Trids were extremely generous to this man of God.

The Rabbi decided to return the favor, and to go plead the Trid's case to the Giant. "Surely the Giant can be convinced to share some of the mountain with you," the Rabbi explained.

The Trids were horrified. "Please don't go, Rabbi", the Trids implored. "The Giant will kick you into the ocean, and you will surely drown."

The Rabbi was stubborn, and insisted that he talk to the Giant. The Trids sent out every boat they had. They formed a ring around the island, so that they would be able to rescue the Rabbi.

The Rabbi started walking towards the mountain. No sign of the Giant.

He walked through the foothills, and there was no sign of the Giant.

He started up the slopes of the mountain, further than any Trid had ever been. Still no sign of the Giant.

Finally he reached the summit of the mountain. There the Giant was waiting for him. The Rabbi asked "Tell me Giant, why have you allowed me to climb to the top of the mountain, without kicking me off the moment I started climbing?"

And the Giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

CANCER FREE!!! April 9, 1998-April 9, 2023-I AM A SURVIVOR!!!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Jul 23, 2014 2:59 pm

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:33 am

The two blonde sisters loved horseback riding, so they decided to buy a couple of horses.

They stood at the fence, happily watching as their new purchases trotted around the corral. Then one sister turned to the other. "You know, we might have a problem. How are we going to tell one horse from the other?"

"Hmm, that's a good point. Hey, I have an idea! We can cut a couple inches off one of their manes. That should make them look different enough!"

"Good idea!"

So they trim a couple inches off, and that helps them tell the horses apart... for about a month, until the mane grows back.

"Well, that didn't work," said one of the sisters. "Do you have any other ideas?"

"How about if we cut a couple inches off one of their tails?"

"Good idea!"

So they trim a couple inches off... but the tail grows back after about a month.

"This is very frustrating and confusing," says one of the sisters, with a sigh. "For our own peace of mind, I think we should just sell one of the horses."

"I guess you're right. Which one do you want to sell, the black one or the white one?"

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Fri Jul 25, 2014 8:26 am

The traveling salesman knocked on the door, and it was opened by a ten-year-old boy holding a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Are your parents home, son?" asked the salesman.

"What do you think?" said the kid.

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Tue Jul 29, 2014 12:10 pm

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Aug 04, 2014 1:46 pm

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Aug 04, 2014 4:43 pm

“Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it... Yet.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Aug 10, 2014 9:12 am

Adam's Rib

In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as if he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

laugh3

CANCER FREE!!! April 9, 1998-April 9, 2023-I AM A SURVIVOR!!!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Aug 10, 2014 10:48 am

A Good One!
ROTFL

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Aug 10, 2014 11:12 am

Charles asks Albert, now aged 10, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Albert said, bursting into tears. Confused, Charles asked Albert what was wrong.

“Oh Pa,” he sobbed, “at age eight I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech. At age nine I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny’ speech.

Then just this year Laura hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy’speech!

Now if you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really do that lovin thing, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:09 pm

Good one, Dave! So was yours, Rhonda!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:17 pm

Great Door Mat!

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:39 pm

At first I thought that was a really weird haiku.

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Fri Sep 05, 2014 12:37 pm

Well, I've finally found the answer as to just why there are so few white guys in the NBA!
https://i.imgur.com/8oewHKo.gif

"Albert, do you REALLY think you are old enough to know what love is?"
"I must be Pa. I love you, I have for a long time."

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:10 pm

Every time I watch this I LOL. laugh3

It's hilarious and racially divisive. Thumbsup

Thank you, O Southwest Sage!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sat Oct 04, 2014 10:48 am

A Letter Addressed to God

A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to "God". A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: "Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500?" The postal employee was touched. He showed the letter to his fellow workers and all decided to kick in a few dollars each and send it to the family. They were able to raise $300.A couple of weeks later the same post office received a second letter addressed to God. The boy thanked God for the recent infusion of cash, but ended with this request: "Next time would you send the money directly to us? If you send it through the post office they deduct $200."

CANCER FREE!!! April 9, 1998-April 9, 2023-I AM A SURVIVOR!!!

Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:27 pm

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