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 That's so punny!

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Rob
Nip it in the bud!
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Mar 16, 2007 4:12 pm

My crowning glory as a punster came when my Aunt Ann got a case of, er... intestinal distress after eating some hot dogs for lunch. It was (drum roll): The Diarrhea of Ann's Franks.

Thank you, thank you. It's all been downhill from there. Wink
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:05 pm

:Hahaha: GOOD GRIEF ROB!!!!



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ChristinaAL
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:20 pm

Rob wrote:
My crowning glory as a punster came when my Aunt Ann got a case of, er... intestinal distress after eating some hot dogs for lunch. It was (drum roll): The Diarrhea of Ann's Franks.

Thank you, thank you. It's all been downhill from there. Wink

Now I don't even know what to say to that! ROTFL




"It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures and to be cheerful and have courage when things go wrong."
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sat Mar 17, 2007 11:10 am

More A Good Pun is Its Own Reword :Hahaha:

- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

- Every calendar's days are numbered.

- A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.



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ChristinaAL
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:39 pm

Rhonda wrote:


- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.



:haha:




"It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures and to be cheerful and have courage when things go wrong."
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Savannah
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:05 pm

:Hahaha: Rhonda........I LOVE those! . . . . And just when I needed a good laugh.
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sun Mar 18, 2007 8:52 am

Still More A Good Pun is Its Own Reword

- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

- A plateau is a high form of flattery.

- The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

- Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

- When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

- The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL



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Savannah
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sun Mar 18, 2007 1:05 pm

You're killing me!! :Hahaha: ROTFL ROTFLROTFLROTFL
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:39 am

Did You Ever Wonder?

- If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

- Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Or do you get change?

- Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

- Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a race car not called a racist?

- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

- Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?


:Hahaha:



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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Wed May 30, 2007 7:17 am

Feline Jury

Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?

Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
ROTFL



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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Wed May 30, 2007 1:29 pm

grinsmiley What a turnout
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Tue Jun 12, 2007 7:19 am

Beethoven's Ninth

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."



ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL



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flatbroke
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:57 am

*groan*Laughing
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Savannah
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:07 pm

:Hahaha:
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Lily
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:25 pm

LOL I love that one Rhonda!!! ROTFL



"Within the heart of every stray, lies the singular desire to be loved."
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Jun 15, 2007 10:44 am

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up ! quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua .

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says .



"Liver alone. Cheese mine." :Hahaha:



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Lori
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Jun 15, 2007 12:48 pm



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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:16 am

Tunnels



A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. To make the task less onerous, he invited several of his co-workers to share the ride. He soon found, however, that the commute continued to get more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week long. But when I get in the tunnels and I've got those four other guys crowded around me in the car, I get anxious and dizzy and feel like I'm going to explode."

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had identified the ailment.

"What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"

"No, no, no, my boy. You have something very common in these parts."

"Tell me! What is it?"

"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
."




ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL



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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:37 am

Bunion Removal ROTFL



I went to my podiatrist to have a bunion removed.

When the treatment ended, I asked if another appointment would be necessary.

He said,"No, but if you experience any discomfort, you should callous back."



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emilyanneoftheprairie
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Fri Aug 03, 2007 12:58 pm

:haha: Cool



I want to be the best, so whatever comes with that, Iíll have to accept. ~Sidney Crosby
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:24 am

A dog called Mace ROTFL



A man has a dog called Mace, which he keeps in the house all the time, because all it does is eat grass.

He also has a favorite tool, his wrench, which he uses all the time.

One day He looses the wrench. He looks every where for it but can't find it.

The dog gets out, eats all his grass and there in the middle of the lawn is his wrench.

The man starts singing "A grazing Mace how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me".



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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:53 am

To Pun Is Human ROTFL



- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

- Every calendar's days are numbered.

- A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

- A plateau is a high form of flattery.

- The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



CANCER FREE!!! †April 9, 1998-April 9, 2016-I AM A SURVIVOR!!!
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:56 am

Puns Are The Lowest Form of Humor Laughing



- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

- Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

- When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.



CANCER FREE!!! †April 9, 1998-April 9, 2016-I AM A SURVIVOR!!!
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Rhonda
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PostSubject: My Punny Valentine!   Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:40 am

I know that Valentine's Day is not till February, but this poem came in an email and I wanted to share.....and since it deals with puns, it was even more close to my heart......oops, parden the pun!ROTFL


A Food Valentine

Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?

You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.

Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our tulips meet.

Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I'll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.



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Farmer Girl
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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Sun Dec 16, 2007 6:02 pm

That is so funny! I really like the last line:


I'll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.

:haha:





~ Home is the nicest word there is ~

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PostSubject: Re: That's so punny!   Today at 9:25 am

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