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 CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!

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Julia
Ingalls Friend for Life
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PostSubject: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:03 am

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:





The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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Bertha Belch, long-time missionary to Africa, will be speaking in our Evening Service this Sunday. Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL


"The beauty of a woman is incredibly radiant when she finds her identity, her confidence, & her hope in Christ alone. "  


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Joe
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:14 am

This has been going around for at least ten years and I still laugh when I read it. Thanks Miss Julia. Smile


"Willie, were you or were you not looking at the corsett ads in the catalogue?" - Nels

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alexczarn
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:46 am

Laughing

LOL!!

How bout this one?

Next month's preachers will be pinned on the church notice board.


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Gin
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 8:22 am

I always wondered what to do with my electric girdle! Glad it can be useful.




It is the lack of Christianity that has brought us where we are. Not a lack of churches or religious forms but of the real thing in our hearts. LIW.....Words From a Fearless Heart
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bethandmanly
Dean's Dedicated Diva
Dean's Dedicated Diva


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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:13 am

Oh my, these are priceless.


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Misti
Red Hummingbird
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:15 pm

I am sitting here surpressing a laugh so my son doesn't look at me crazy. Thanks, Julia!



"I would fight for you - I'd lie for you - walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you..."
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Carol
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:29 pm

laugh3 Love these...


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Rob
Nip it in the bud!
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:30 pm

Hilarious!
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alexczarn
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Sat Apr 16, 2011 6:34 pm

Hey Julia, do you mind if I add some more?

The peace-making meeting scheduled for tonight has been cancelled due to conflict.

This being Easter Sunday, Mrs Bertha Lewis will come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the carpeting. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do it.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when Dr A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

Please welcome Pastor Cowden, a caring man who loves hurting people.


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Misti
Red Hummingbird
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:23 pm

Julia, I write a weekly colunn in my local newspaper where I work and I used your list in my column this last week. Alex, gonna use the ones you posted this week. Those are too funny!



"I would fight for you - I'd lie for you - walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you..."
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Buttercup
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:57 am

So funny. I read some of them before & others where new to me. Thanks for making me laugh. laugh3




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Ruth
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Alex printed them off and showed them to people at our church!


Very funny. laugh3


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Krissy
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Sat Jan 14, 2012 6:55 pm

ROTFL


“Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it... Yet.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
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PostSubject: Re: CHURCH BLOOPERS! OH MY!   Today at 5:47 am

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