Microsoft Car
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull ove r to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protect ion fault" warning light.
8. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
9. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.
10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
11. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
12. You'd have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.
Tue Jul 24 2007 10:14 PM
ComputerNerd
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
Tue Jul 24 2007 10:20 PM
ComputerNerd
While in the cafeteria one day with some friends, I had a classmate stop by to ask me a computer question.
Her: "I'd like to save my work onto a floppy disk so I can take it with me."
Me: "Ok, after you are done typing your work, on the top you will see a blue bar. Below it is a gray bar with words on it. This is called the menu bar. On the menu bar, click the word 'File.' From there, you will see a gray box appear. On this gray box, click 'Save As'. On the top of the next gray box, click on the white box with 'Save In' next to it. From this next white box, click on '3 1/2 Floppy'."
Her: (writing all this down) "Ok, thanks, one more question."
Me: "Sure."
Her: "Does the floppy disk need to be in the computer when I save my work?"
I went back to my lunch.
Tue Jul 24 2007 10:21 PM
ComputerNerd
I'm a tech support engineer for a software company. I had a guy call up rather annoyed that the disks we'd sent him containing the latest version of our software didn't work.
Customer: "The install fails half way through. I tried several times, and it always fails at the same point."
Tech Support: "Did you see any kind of error message?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "What did the error message say?"
Customer: "It said, 'Please insert Disk 2.'"
Tech Support: "Have you got another disk there?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Is it labelled 'Disk 2'?"
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Tech Support: "Insert that disk into the drive, and click 'OK'."
Customer: "Wow, thanks! That's fixed it. It's installing now. What was it, a faulty disk or something?"
Tue Jul 24 2007 10:22 PM
ComputerNerd
Tech Support: "Ok, ma'am, I need you to do a ctrl-alt-del."
Customer: "How do I do that?"
Tech Support: "Push and hold 'ctrl' and 'alt' at the same time, and then hit 'delete'."
Customer: "Where are those?"
Tech Support: (explains the location of the keys)
Customer: "Nothing happened."
Tech Support: "Try again."
Customer: "Still nothing."
A minute or two later....
Customer: "Should I turn my computer on? Would that help?"
Tech Support: "Yeah, it might."
I went to the post office to ship a package of software to a customer. Since the software was expensive, I decided to insure it. As the postal employee was filling out the insurance form, he asked me what I was shipping.
Me: "Software."
Him: "You mean, like, pajamas?"
Tue Jul 24 2007 10:23 PM
ComputerNerd
A user trying to install new software:
Customer: "I'm having a problem here. Do I put the serial number in the box that says 'serial number,' or do I put it in the box that says 'company'?"
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