Post your Joke!

Let's have some laughs..... Post your jokes here.



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THE GOOD NAPKINS...ahhhhh...the joys of having girls...

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake)...

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was Ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins'in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those Were for "special occasions"(her second mistake)

Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments For all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter.
Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, Who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"

Isn't it easier to just tell the truth?????????

:ROTFL22:

Pet Lovers Manifesto

- When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

- The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

- The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

- I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this.

- Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

- Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball.

- It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

- My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

- For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

Love it, Misti!

Rob wrote:

Love it, Misti!

Thanks, Rob! Reminds me of something Mr. Edwards would say to Harriet.

Haha! Exactly!

:haha: Misti! OMGoodness!! :haha:

Too funny

Write It Down

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down,

I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast"

Carol and Rhonda!

During a war, three spies are captured by the enemy and sentenced to die before a firing squad. On the morning of the execution they take the first spy out of the holding cell, blindfold him, and put him up against the wall.

The firing squad shouders their rifles. The command comes: "Ready, aim..."

Suddenly the condemned man yells, "TORNADO!"

Panicked, the riflemen drop their guns and go running away in all directions. The prisoner manages to escape during the confusion.

"Hey, did you see that?" says one of the other condemned men to his cellmate, who happens to be a blonde.

"I don't get it," says the blonde.

"He yelled out the name of a natural disaster, then escaped when the firing squad ran away. I'm gonna try that!"

So they take the second man out and put him against the wall. "Ready, aim..."

"FLOOD!" shouts the condemned, and he escapes when the panicked soldiers go running.

"Oh, I get it!" says the blonde.

So they reassemble the riflemen and bring out the blonde. They put him up against the wall. "Ready, aim..."

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!"

SO.....glad that I am not blonde!!!

Double-Decker Bus



A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist group for a chartered-double-decker bus trip to London. There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus, and only 1 seat on the top of the bus available when they board. The young ladies decide to take turns riding on the top, and flip a coin to see who gets the first turn. The blonde wins the toss.

A couple of hours later, it's the redhead's turn. She takes the steps to the top and sees the blonde, sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.

"What's goin' on?" the redhead asks. "We're havin' a grand old time down below, singing and laughing."

The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

Rhonda wrote:

Write It Down

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down,

I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast"

Sad News

What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in...

...and then the trouble started.

:unsure: