I just don't know what to do

oh Depress must be Horriabel Hang in there Christina I'll Pray for you Dad

Christina,
You and your father will be in my prayers. I'm so sorry that he has been going through such a difficult time. My dad is also self-employed. Another factor to take into consideration is the time of year. I can't remember where you are from, but the winter months are especially difficult when people are feeling down. Hopefully he will continue to get better on his own, and feel good about his life. Maybe you can let him know that you're always there for him if he needs someone to talk to. Rhonda had a good idea about getting him involved in helping with wedding plans. Keep us updated on how things are going. He's lucky to have such a loving and supportive daughter!

Christina, I was treated for depression when I was in my 20s. The psychiatrist put me on an anti-depressant medication - Limbitrol - and the change in my outlook was so dramatic. It took a couple weeks to begin working, but once it did, it was like coming out of a dark fog into bright sunshine.

There are so many different meds out there now. There's no reason that anybody should have to live with depression. If your dad gets help, he can put this behind him in no time at all and go back to being the same man he was before.

I'll keep him in my prayers.

Just letting you know that I'll be praying. Thankfully nobody in my family has been like that, but it must be awful. Hang in there!

Dear Christina:

Ill be praying for your dad. I know how awful depression is, since my father suffered from it some time ago. The doctor said to him that it is "the nowadays illness" along with cancer.. .I know how bad the person who suffers from depression feels, and how sad the family is, without being able to do almost anything. Be brave, and try to help your daddy, praying and being as nice as you can to him. Be sure if he needs some medication, for they are depressions who needs them, and others who could cure pretty easy by the willing of the sick person and the love of the family.

I'll be praying for you.

Vanesa.

I'm sorry to hear about this Christina. I was actually on anti-depressants many years ago and they didn't do much for me. I just had to kick it on my own. But that doesn't work for everyone. While I've never been privy to my mother's mental health information, I do know she was on medication most of her adult life and I think she would have been considered bi-polar today.

Just because your dad goes to someone for help doesn't mean he'll end up on drugs. He could make it very clear that he will not use medication to treat his depression. And if I remember right, only a psychiatrist can prescribe meds, so perhaps he should talk to a psychologist. And maybe you don't have to talk to him about it, maybe just letting him know you are there will help him.

Good luck. I'll be praying for you.

{{HUGS}}

This is all really great advice here, Christina. I really don't have anything to add, just that I hope that your dad will see for himself that he needs to get some kind of help for this. Life is too short to just let it pass you by like that. I'll be praying for him, and for you...it's hard as a daughter to watch our parents go through anything. I will pray you'll find strength in the journey...just continue to be the loving, supportive daughter I know you are, and continue to encourage him.

It sounds like your dad is taking the first steps to getting better, just by realizing he has a problem. Reading up on it will probably help him and realizing that he is not alone in this, will probably eventually give him the courage to get the help he needs.

It sounds like your mom is just getting frustrated. It is very hard to watch someone you live with and care about so much (which I know that you know this) go downhill and not know what you can do to help them. That helpless feeling sometimes causes you to lash out just because you don't know what else to do.

Has your dad thought about doing any volunteer work? Since my dad retired, he has started delivering Meals-on-Wheels. It makes him feel good to be helping out in the community and gives him a chance to socialize with others (which he is very good at). Sometimes just the feeling that you are contributing in some way will help. At least until your dad gets busy working again.

I know sometimes Tim would get depressed when he would get laid-off from his job. That whole issue about being a man and feeling like he should be the one supporting his family. Luckily things started getting better for him once he started working again and we were able to dig ourselves out of the financial hole we fell in.

I will keep your dad in my prayers. I know it's difficult to watch someone you care about so much suffering, and not knowing how to help him. Just continue to be there for him and I hope, soon, he starts feeling more like himself again. {{{{HUGS}}}}

pamh36 wrote:

Has your dad thought about doing any volunteer work? Since my dad retired, he has started delivering Meals-on-Wheels. It makes him feel good to be helping out in the community and gives him a chance to socialize with others (which he is very good at). Sometimes just the feeling that you are contributing in some way will help. At least until your dad gets busy working again.

I would like to see both my parents do the same thing, Pam. They have been retired for two years now, and I really feel like they don't have enough to do or focus on. I watched a Dr. Phil once where he was talking to someone who was really messed up in their life (not that my parents are, but just going for an example), and that he said you need to take the focus off yourself. As soon as you start putting the focus on other people, you will feel better about your own self. So I think this is a really good idea that you've suggested for Christina's dad...good thinking!

Christina, sorry to hear your dad is so down. I know how it can affect the family as a whole when someone is down. You might just ask him what he would tell you if it were the one needing to make changes. Get him the book, read it also. That way you can know what it involves. I'll keep your family in my prayers. Smile its contagious.

Amy wrote:

I would like to see both my parents do the same thing, Pam. They have been retired for two years now, and I really feel like they don't have enough to do or focus on. I watched a Dr. Phil once where he was talking to someone who was really messed up in their life (not that my parents are, but just going for an example), and that he said you need to take the focus off yourself. As soon as you start putting the focus on other people, you will feel better about your own self. So I think this is a really good idea that you've suggested for Christina's dad...good thinking!

I've noticed that it makes my dad feel really good. His regular route is only once a week, but he does sub often for other people. It's funny too, because his route is literally right in my neighborhood. I see him all the time when I'm out running around at that time of day. I think any kind of volunteer work is wonderful.

Maybe he is a little down for you are getting married. Since he is so close to you, he must feel sad thinking you are going away...Of course, it's absurd, for everyone needs to make their own way on life, but sometimes, parents feel alone and anguished when they knows their children are founding homes on their own. What about talking to him about this problem...Maybe he feels a little better.

Vanesa.

I'm sorry this is happening Christina.
A lot of good advice has been given here already. I know it must be tough on you watching your dad this way, but like some have said... finding an activity that keeps him busy and gives him a sense of self worth is a great thing.

I think you should talk to your mother and tell her to be more careful of how she reacts because yelling is not the way to go.... I think that gets your dad more down... it is best to use positive language.... saying things like:

"Dad, I know you would do great talking to someone about this, You've always been a person who does the right thing and this is something that I'm sure you can just try... just to see how it is... "
Try to make him feel like he is the one in control, like if he were the one to make the decision...

I hope he gets better Christina. He will be in my prayers.

I'm sure your dad is going to have his 'up and down' days. I like you're attitude in this ...just being positive and still 'playing up' the fact that it is ultimately his decision and he's in control, but still being encouraging just the same. I think that's all you can do at this point. I wish you and your dad the best, Christina. Keep us posted!

That is good to hear that your dad is at least thinking about seeking help. I'm glad that the game perked him up a bit.

We're still praying over here too, so try to keep your chin up and don't forget to take care of yourself too.