Post your Joke!

Grandma's Visit


My mom lives in another state and she came to visit us for a week.

When she arrived, my four-year-old son, Andy, told her, "I sure am glad to see you, Grandma. Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."

Grandma was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.

Andy replied, "He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit."

: An elderly couple at the gas station

Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 8:58 pm










An elderly couple pull into a gas station, and the old man roles down his window.

Gas station attendant: "Can I help you?"

Old man: "Fill 'er up."

Old Woman: (asks the old man) "What'd he say?"

Old Man: "He asked if he could help us."

Old Woman: "Tell him to fill 'er up."

Old Man: "I told him to fill it up."

Gas station attendant: "Where are you two headed?"

Old Man: "We're going to Disneyland."

Old Woman: "What'd he say?"

Old man: "He asked us where we're headed."

Old Woman: "Tell him we're going to Disneyland."

Old Man: (disgustingly) "I told him we're going to Disneyland!"

Gas station attendant: "Where are you two from?"

Old Man: "We're from Hudsonville."

Old Woman: "What'd he say?"

Old Man: (angrily) "He asked us where we're from!"

Old Woman: "Tell him we're from Hudsonville."

Old Man: (very angry) "I TOLD HIM WE'RE FROM HUDSONVILLE!"

Gas station attendant: "Hudsonville, I've been to Hudsonville before. The women there are DOG UGLY!"

Old Woman: "What'd he say?"

Old Man: (looks at the old woman, then at the gas station attendant, and then back to the old woman and says) "He said he's met you before!"

Good ones, Krissy!

Hahahaha!!

Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the
following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

From the news!

True story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding
On U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan , KS .
I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.
The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)
To see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if
She had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.
Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want
To ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having
A 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more
Time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have
Just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what
Was she so afraid of.
She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"

Sorry for spaming the place tonight!!!! HEHE

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too but he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant. She responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."The guy asks, "Why does Divorced Barbie cost so much more than all the others?” That’s obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."


Valentines Jokes!

Classics!!

Good ones, Krissy!

A Russian, an American and a blonde were all talking about the space race. The Russian said, we got to outer space first. The American said, we landed on the moon first. The blonde said, but we're going to be the first to the sun. The American and the Russian burst out laughing. The blonde said, we're not that dumb, we're gonna go at night!

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital, so she went to pay her a visit. She found her sitting up in bed with both ears heavily bandaged. "What happened to you?" she asked.

"It was the silliest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing some clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking, I picked up the iron, pressed it to my ear, and said, 'Hello?'."

"But... what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

Rofl!

Pew Duty


The custodian of a church quit, and the pastor of the church asked the organist if she would be able also to clean the church sanctuary.

The organist thought before replying,” Do you mean that I now have to mind my keys and pews?”

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He complained that the work had been completed a year ago. and I still hadn't paid for them.

"Hellloooo............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid."

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year...that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.

"Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for", I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot!