Post your Joke!

Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forrest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone.

Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

Bob picked up his rifle and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large bear stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The bear got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

  

Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.

The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.

The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.

The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to a blonde lady.

The other two said, so what? The third salesman added, along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold her one hundred pounds of bird seeds!!!!!

Once a sweet little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

I've never understood why ballerinas always stand on their tip-toes?
.............................Why don't the producers just hire taller dancers?

My Mother was so short......................................
you could see see her feet on her drivers license!

Davetucson wrote:

Once a sweet little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

I actually like the way she thinks!  

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.

Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!

911: Alright, What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: So what's your emergency?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Someone send me this in email. Have to share this.

      Love that one, Melissa!

Thank you, Julie.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Florida's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

^ 

Davetucson wrote:

Good one!  

A jewel from Julie (Julmer70)

  

Romeo: What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?
Juliette: An anaesthetic.

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.

In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'