Post your Joke!

Since I've worked at Walmart, I KNOW that poor man will be there for a long while....

Nine months later: "There's a skeleton in aisle seven... must've got dragged over from the Halloween decorations..."

There you go!

Afraid of the Dark


A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

Idiot Number One

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Idiot Number Two

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Idiot Number Three

A man wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
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Idiot Number Four

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy...

But you still get a sign.
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Idiot Number Five

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the c ashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Six

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
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Idiot Number Seven

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign.
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Idiot Number Eight

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

Rob wrote:

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans."

"Put it back, it's a waste of money!" demands the wife. He does, and they continue shopping.

A few aisles further along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

"So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price."

HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Might be my favorite one.  And I think I told it here a few years ago...

A woman hears that her blonde friend is in the hospital, so she goes to visit her.  She finds her sitting up in bed with huge bandages over both her ears.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asks.

"It was the craziest thing," says the blonde.  "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang.  Without thinking, I picked up the red-hot iron, pressed it to my ear, and said 'Hello?'"

"Oh, how awful!  But... what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call an ambulance, didn't I?"

 

LOL!



A Blond women walks into a bar.

You would have thought that she would have seen it!

 

Rhonda wrote:

A man wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

  I think that might be my favorite one of them, Rhonda!

Rob wrote:

A woman hears that her blonde friend is in the hospital, so she goes to visit her.  She finds her sitting up in bed with huge bandages over both her ears.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asks.

"It was the craziest thing," says the blonde.  "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang.  Without thinking, I picked up the red-hot iron, pressed it to my ear, and said 'Hello?'"

"Oh, how awful!  But... what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call an ambulance, didn't I?"

 

 

There was a girl from Nantucket..................

On second thought, I better not!

Rob wrote:

Might be my favorite one.  And I think I told it here a few years ago...

A woman hears that her blonde friend is in the hospital, so she goes to visit her.  She finds her sitting up in bed with huge bandages over both her ears.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asks.

"It was the craziest thing," says the blonde.  "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang.  Without thinking, I picked up the red-hot iron, pressed it to my ear, and said 'Hello?'"

"Oh, how awful!  But... what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call an ambulance, didn't I?"

  

 

 

Wasn't there another joke just above my  ? I'm sure that's what I was laughing at. Guess it vanished.

Was laughing at Rhonda's joke.