Post your Joke!

How would you explain that....hubby coming into the bathroom and you being stuck to the bottom of the tub? I don't think I would say anything, just act normal until he left and then proceed to un-stick myself!

Ummm, OK Misti......


Sounds good to me...... :Hahaha:

I want to thank Rhonda for not starting a pun war in this thread. It might be dangerous. :sillySmiley:

Rob wrote:

I want to thank Rhonda for not starting a pun war in this thread. It might be dangerous. :sillySmiley:

I was going to, butt, was short on time and stuck for an idea! :think:

A woman invited her blonde friend, who lived half a state away, to come for a visit. The blonde started out one morning... and arrived five days later.

"What took you so long?" asked her friend. "And look at you, you're worn to a frazzle!"

"Whew, it was a tough trip alright," said the blonde. "There were gas stations all along the way, and every one of them had a sign that said CLEAN RESTROOMS."

"So?"

"So I must've cleaned 200 restrooms before I got here!"

:Hahaha:

That reminds me of when Jeremiah was six........he was already reading at a very good level, and we passed one of those "DO NOT PASS" signs. When we drove past it, he gasped and said "You just broke the law!! That sign said DO NOT PASS!!" :Hahaha:

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style, he did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk once and had a wild time with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

, Misti!

Savannah, that's so funny about Jeremiah. Kids tend to take things so literally.

When my nephew Wesley was little, we took him to see our aunt, and we told him that she lived in a cottage on the river. Imagine his bitter disappointment when he found out that the cottage was merely beside the river instead of on it. With kids, you always gotta watch what you say. :unsure:

Rob wrote:

When my nephew Wesley was little, we took him to see our aunt, and we told him that she lived in a cottage on the river. Imagine his bitter disappointment when he found out that the cottage was merely beside the river instead of on it. With kids, you always gotta watch what you say. :unsure:

:Hahaha: What a terrible disappointment!



Misti......... :Hahaha:

New Flight Attendant



An airline captain was breaking in a new flight attendant. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captian showed the flight attendant the best places for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The flight attendant replied, "There are only three doors in here." She sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it and says "Do Not Disturb!'"

Me too, three in a row!

Silent Treatment



A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

Young Businessman



A young businessman had just started his own business. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it brilliantly decorated. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working a big deal. He was shouting huge figures and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I'm here to install the phone!"



:haha:

Isn't It True?



At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

$100 Prayer



A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "GOD, USA", they decided to send it to the President. He was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill.

The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read; "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money.

"However, I noticed that for some reason you had it sent through Washington, DC, and as usual, those guys deducted $95."

:Hahaha:

:Hahaha: Misti!

We had one of those "Stupidest Criminal" moments here a while back. A man was drunk, and went into a little "Mom & Pop" store, waving a gun, and demanding liquor and money. The store owner saw how drunk the man was, and didn't think he'd be able to shoot straight enough to hit him, so he refused to give him anything and told him to get out. The drunken man started shouting "You give me the money or I'm calling the cops, man!!"
The store owner still refused.
The criminal called the police.
Seriously. :Hahaha:

Balance



God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,"

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."



:Hahaha: