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I don't know if these are on here or not, but here goes!

To Walk on Water

There were three preachers who went fishing together. When they all climbed into the boat and had rowed out into the middle on the lake, the first preacher realized he had not brought his bait with him.

"Oh, no! I left it in the car!" He cried. The other two men asked him if they wanted him to row back to shore, but he said no.

"I have faith that I can walk on water and retrieve my bait." He prayed, stood up, climbed out of the boat, and walked on water. He got the bait out of the car and walked back out to the boat and climbed in.

A few minutes later, the second preacher realized he had left his sack-lunch in the car.

"Oh, no! I left it in the car!" He cried. The others asked him if he wanted them to row to shore, but he didn't want them to.

"No, I believe that I can walk on water and go get my lunch." So he prayed, climbed out of the boat, and walked on water! He got his lunch and came back the same way as the first preacher.

A few miutes later, the third preacher realized his car headlights were still on and the battery would be dead soon.

"Oh, no! I left them on again!" The others asked him if he wanted them to row to shore, but he refused.

"No, I believe that I can walk on water and turn my car lights off." So he prayed, climbed out of the boat...and sank!

Then the first preacher looked at the second preacher.

"Should we have told him about the stones?"



Question: What is a buck?

Answer: A dollar bill with horns.

A Frenchman, a German, and an Irishman Joke

There was a Frenchman, a German, and an Irishman and they all went into the saloon for a drink. They all ordered whisky, and when the whisky came, there was a fly in each one. The Frenchman says,

"Mon Dieu! I can't drink this!"

The German flicks the fly out of the whisky and drinks it down.

And the Irishman picks up the fly, turns it upside down and cries,

"Spit it out! Spit it out!"



Here's one my cousin likes to tell:

There were two peanuts walking down the road and one was assaulted.

Nice ones!!

Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.


Q: What Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun.

So funny!

Q: Who was the shortest man mentioned in the Bible?
A: Bildad the Shoehite!

Sports Joke

Note: For those who don't know...For basketball, Georgia's team is the Bulldogs, Tennessee the Volunteers, Kentucky state the Wildcats, Louisville, Ky the Cardinals.

A Georgia fan, a Tennessee fan, a Kentucky fan, and a Louisville fan were hiking up a mountain and while they walked, they kept arguing about who was the biggest fan. When they reached the top of the mountain, the Georgia fan said,

"I'm the biggest fan and to show you, I'll jump off this mountain!" and he promptly did!

"Go Bulldogs Arff! Arff!"

Then the Tennessee fan did the same thing.

"Go Volunteers! Go Rocky Top!"

Then the Kentucky fan pushed the Louisville fan off the cliff saying,

"Fly Cardinals,fly!"



Blonde Joke

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head and they were driving in the middle of the desert, when their car broke down. Each one took something with them for their journey. The brunette took the water, the red-head took GPS and the blonde took the car door.

"Why are you carrying that?" The red-head asked, pointing to the water in the brunette's hand.
"Just in case we get thirsty." She replied. Then she asked the red-head why she had the GPS.
"So we won't get lost." the red-head replied. Then both of them looked at their companion who was struggling with the car door in her grasp.
"Why are you bringing that?" They both asked.
The blonde answered, "So I can roll the window down when I get hot!"

Rhonda wrote:

Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.


Q: What Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun.

Rhonda!!!

Annie K Ingalls wrote:

The blonde answered, "So I can roll the window down when I get hot!"

An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner for a faulty taillight. When the officer approached the driver, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card anda concealed weapon carry permit.



The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr.Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?"



The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a .45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."



The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?"



"Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat."



The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns. May I ask what you are afraid of?



Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered :





"Not a ****ing thing!"

Biblical Theme Songs

Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"
Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

That's hilarious!!!

No-Parking Zone

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

A Meeting With the Board

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger.

“You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.

“I know,” said the man. “If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet him.”

A true story I read in Reader's Digest: A doctor is on his way to the hospital in an emergency. He was speeding. A police car pulled up alongside him and his siren was blaring. The doctor, looking for leniency, held up his stethoscope indicating a medical emergency. The officer held up his handcuffs.

I love that one!

Savannah wrote:

After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A,B,C,D, E, F, G, H,I,J,K."
She asks, "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."
She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely..... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His eye is still swollen...

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