| Post your Joke! | |
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+36LHOTPfan2000 Deem714 littlehouselover Julia littlehousefan200 Honeybee Joe Ruth easyt72000 Annie K Ingalls Krissy alexczarn Amy Lori Kristina I Love Dean Lynette ashkate11871 Alice Trixie Farmer Girl JW EllieJane HarrisonCrosby4387 georgiagirl1993 edwina flatbroke Gin Lily ChristinaAL Savannah LM Rob Misti Rhonda Carol 40 posters |
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Rhonda Prairie Survivor
Number of posts : 21216 Location : On my bike!!! Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:44 am | |
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Rob Nip it in the bud!
Number of posts : 62635 Location : Michigan Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:14 am | |
| Oh, Rhonda! | |
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Rhonda Prairie Survivor
Number of posts : 21216 Location : On my bike!!! Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sat Feb 16, 2008 12:02 pm | |
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Savannah "Psalm 34"
Number of posts : 54431 Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Feb 17, 2008 8:11 am | |
| :Hahaha: The one about the deer hunters is hilarious, too, Rhonda!! | |
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Lily "Beautiful Life"
Number of posts : 6784 Location : In the town shopping Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:21 pm | |
| Bass Pro Shop
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco® 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is to totally confused by t his and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, " Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Cat fish Bait is $3.50." "Within the heart of every stray, lies the singular desire to be loved." | |
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Rob Nip it in the bud!
Number of posts : 62635 Location : Michigan Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:33 pm | |
| , Lily! | |
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Rhonda Prairie Survivor
Number of posts : 21216 Location : On my bike!!! Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:22 am | |
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Trixie Frontier Traveler
Number of posts : 425 Location : California Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:41 pm | |
| :Hahaha: | |
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Misti Red Hummingbird
Number of posts : 4112 Location : Texas Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Fri Mar 14, 2008 2:42 pm | |
| THE LAWS OF LIFE
& Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. & Law of the Workshop Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. & Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. & Law of the Telephone If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. & Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. & Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). & Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. & Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. & Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. & Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. & Law of the Theater At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. & Law of Coffee As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. & Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. & Law of Rugs/Carpets The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. & Law of Location No matter where you go, there you are. & Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. & Brown's Law If the shoe fits, it's ugly. & Oliver's Law A closed mouth gathers no feet. & Wilson's Law As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!) & Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. "I would fight for you - I'd lie for you - walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you..." | |
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Savannah "Psalm 34"
Number of posts : 54431 Mood :
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Savannah "Psalm 34"
Number of posts : 54431 Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Sat Mar 15, 2008 7:03 am | |
| Misti......... :Hahaha: I didn't see your joke when I was posting the bunny oney......I mean, the bunny one. Those are hilarious! I especially like the "wrong number" one. :Hahaha: | |
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Misti Red Hummingbird
Number of posts : 4112 Location : Texas Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:16 pm | |
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Savannah "Psalm 34"
Number of posts : 54431 Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:17 pm | |
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Misti Red Hummingbird
Number of posts : 4112 Location : Texas Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:22 pm | |
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Savannah "Psalm 34"
Number of posts : 54431 Mood :
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Misti Red Hummingbird
Number of posts : 4112 Location : Texas Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:36 pm | |
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Misti Red Hummingbird
Number of posts : 4112 Location : Texas Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Mon Apr 07, 2008 10:29 pm | |
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Rob Nip it in the bud!
Number of posts : 62635 Location : Michigan Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:31 pm | |
| Those are great, Misti! | |
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Alice On The African Savanna
Number of posts : 10766 Location : Meerkat Manor Mood :
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Rhonda Prairie Survivor
Number of posts : 21216 Location : On my bike!!! Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:15 am | |
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Rob Nip it in the bud!
Number of posts : 62635 Location : Michigan Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:42 pm | |
| , Rhonda! | |
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Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:30 pm | |
| Those are great. Do you come up with those yourself or do you find them somewhere? |
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Rhonda Prairie Survivor
Number of posts : 21216 Location : On my bike!!! Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:26 am | |
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Guest Guest
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Misti Red Hummingbird
Number of posts : 4112 Location : Texas Mood :
| Subject: Re: Post your Joke! Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:02 pm | |
| PARENT - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evening s and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize soc ial gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job. ** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! ** "I would fight for you - I'd lie for you - walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you..." | |
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