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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

:haha: "Cause your feet ain't empty."

:Hahaha:

ROFL

:Hahaha:

Some friars needed to raise more money for books for the school, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

:Hahaha: :Hahaha:

The advantages of being over 50

Don't laugh.....it is all true.
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70, 80, or 90.

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03.No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

The Advil Commandments

So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!"

And God says, "Here, take these two tablets."

Not sure if this has been posted before...

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays a sound mind.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

, Misti!

Here's another joke...

What did one skeleton say to the other as they were hiding in a closet?

If we had any guts we'd get out of here.

, Lynette!

Of corpse I thought that was funny.

This thread will be the death of me!

Rob wrote:

, Lynette!

Of corpse I thought that was funny.

Must've hit a funny bone with you Rob!!!

Misti wrote:

This thread will be the death of me!

Just don't roll over in your grave Misti....

Very humerus.

I don't know if anyone's heard this before but I thought I'd post it.


A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking. He has 3 eyes, no arms, 1 leg, and he's very depressed because of his situation. A man drives up to the poor man and says, "Aye, Aye, Aye, you look armless, hop in, I'll give you a lift."

:haha: , Lynette!

ROFL, Lynette!