Post your Joke!

Classic! Love it!!

Forrest Gump in Heaven


Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.

In order to gain admittance, a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions:

1. What are two days of the week that begin with "T"?
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God's first name?

Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered:

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.

Saint Peter said, "Ok, I'll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected. Technically, your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why do you think God's first name is either Andy or Howard?" Forrest responded, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, and so on."

"Ok then, I give," said Saint Peter. "But what about God's first name?"

Forrest said, "Well, from the song...Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own...And then from the prayer...Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name..."

Saint Peter let him in without another word.

Love that one!

funy.

Sister Mary Ann


Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was making her rounds. She was visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, “If it starts, I'm becoming Catholic.”

Oh my!! Rhonda, both of those are hilarious!!

The Talking Centipede


A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store
and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion,
he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug),
which came in a little white box
to use for his house.

He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet
to church with him.

So he asked the centipede
in the box,
"Would you like to go
to church with me today?
We will have a good time."

But there was no answer
from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again,
"How about going
to church with me
and receive blessings?"

But again,
there was no answer
from his new friend and pet.
So he waited
a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.

The guy decided
to invite the centipede
one last time.

This time he
put his face up against
the centipede's house and shouted,

"Hey, in there!
Would you like to go to
church with me
and learn about God?"


YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ......

This time,
a little voice
came out of the box,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I heard you the first time!
I'm putting my shoes on!"

That was funny.

That's crazy

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds
one cold winter evening. They looked out of place
that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at
them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking.
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot
together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked right up to the cash
register, placed his order with no hesitation and
then paid for their meal. The couple took a table
near the back wall and started taking food off of the
tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of French fries
and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger
and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in
front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the French fries,
divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile
in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his
wife took a sip and then set the cup down between
them. As the man began to eat his few bites of
hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you
could tell what they were thinking. "That poor
old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the
two of them."

As the man began to eat his French fries one young
man stood and came over to the old couples' table.
He politely offered to buy another meal for the old
couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just
fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady
hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her
husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the
drink. Again the young man came over and begged them
to let him buy them something to eat.

This time the lady explained that no, they were
used to sharing everything together. As the little
old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly
with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer.

Again he came over to their table and offered to buy
some food. After being politely refused again he
finally asked a question of the little old lady.
"Ma'am, why aren't you eating? You said that you share
everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered...



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"The teeth".

Quite possibly one of the funniest jokes I've ever read in my 46 years of living. And it's clean. Imagine that!

Classic, Krissy, classic!!!

Glad you to liked them.

No problem ladies.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

: Krissy!

LOL, Rhonda!