Post your Joke!

Rob wrote:

Wasn't there another joke just above my  ?  I'm sure that's what I was laughing at.  Guess it vanished.

There was......Im pretty sure I know who had it removed........

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

 

A pretty blonde is racing down the highway in her little red sports car.  Finally her luck runs out and a state trooper pulls her over.  The trooper, also an attractive blonde, asks to see her license.

The driver rummages through her purse, then says, "Can you remind me again what a driver's license looks like?"

"Well," says the cop, "It's a little rectangular thing with your picture on it."

The driver pulls out a small hand mirror.  "Ah, this must be it!"  She holds it up to her face. "Yup, it has my picture on it."

She hands it to the blonde state trooper who holds it up, looks at it, and smiles.  "If I'd known you were a cop, too," she says with a wink, "I never would have stopped you."

 

 

A young man searching for meaning in his life decided to join a monastery.  It was a very strict order in which the monks took a vow of silence – they were only allowed to say two words every ten years.

So the young man joined, and spent his days gardening, baking bread, and praying silently.  Ten years went by, and he was taken to the office of the Father Superior.

“Alright, my son,” said the Father, “You may now speak two words.”

“Food’s cold,” said the monk.

Ten more years passed, and the young man – no longer quite so young – was brought in to see the Father Superior.  “What two words do you wish to speak, my son?”

“Bed’s hard,” said the monk.

Ten more long years went by, and the monk, now gray-haired, was taken to the Father Superior.  “Speak your two words, my son.”

“I quit,” said the monk.

“Well I can’t say I’m surprised,” snapped the Father.  “You’ve done nothing but complain ever since you got here!”

Now here is a guy that loves the game!

A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters...

As he sat down, another man came along and asked if anyone was sitting in
the seat next to him..
"No", he said, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a
seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use
it?"

He said, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to

come with me, but she passed away.

This is the first Masters we haven't been together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find

someone else?.. a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shook his head...."No. They're all at the funeral."

 

That reminds me of the one about two guys talking about golf.

"How did your game with Phil go yesterday?"

"It was terrible!  He dropped dead on the fourth hole!"

"Oh my gosh!  That's awful!"

"It sure was.  All day long, hit the ball, drag Phil...  hit the ball, drag Phil..."

 

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends!

     

Mrs. Peterson went to the doctor: “I’m terribly worried about my boy. He thinks he’s a chicken.”
The doctor asked, “And how long has this been going on?”
“Almost a year,” Mrs. Peterson replied.
“Well for goodness sakes! Why didn’t you bring him to see me sooner?”
“Because we needed the eggs!”

“Did God make you, Papa?”
“Yep! He certainly did.”
“And did He make me too?”
“Of course, He did.”
“Well, He’s certainly doing better as He goes along, isn’t He?”

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.

“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

Q: How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.

How can you drop an egg four feet without breaking it?
(Drop it from five feet. It won't break during the first four feet.)

What was the Pilgrims' favorite dance?
(The Plymouth Rock.)

What do you call a very popular perfume ?
(A best smeller.)

What is an Eskimo cow called ?
(An eskimoo.)

What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
(It gets wet.)

What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware River?
(Get in the boat!)

And remember, always recycle your old bowling
balls... give them to elephants to play marbles!

Sally:  I went to the doctor because I was seeing spots in front of my eyes.  He gave me glasses
    Shiela:  Did the glasses help?
    Sally:  They sure did.  Now I can see the spots much better.

What is small, purple, and dangerous?
(A grape with a machine gun.)