My Mother has Cancer!

Rob wrote:

Praying for your dad, Marilyn.  If the nursing homes there are anything like the ones around here, he should do fine.  Nursing homes are far different from the places they were when I was a kid.  Back then, they were just places where people waited to die.  Now, they seem to go out of their way to give the residents the best possible quality of life they can.

I had an elderly neighbor who went into a home, and after about a week I visited her and asked if she was happy there.  She said, "No, but this is my life now, so I have to make the best of it."  A couple weeks later, I swear, she wouldn't have gone home even if she could have!  She was very sociable, just like your dad, and she'd made a lot of friends, and she loved the activities, the staff, the food, and pretty much everything about the place.  

I'll be praying the same thing happens to your dad.

I'll be praying the same thing as well. And I second what Rob said. Nursing homes are SO much different now than they were thirty years ago. They try to give the residents a good quality of life, and fill their lives with activities rather than just having it be a holding center for a funeral home. I go to our local nursing home semi-regularly to play the piano, and it's wonderful to see the difference now as opposed to when I was a little girl and would visit the same facility. And regarding your dad wandering during the night. . . if he does, the staff is trained to know how to gently direct him back to where he needs to be. They won't let him just wander aimlessly. They'll take care of him. And he'll likely have a whole crew of new friends within a very short time!

I'll be praying for you as well, as I know how difficult all of this has to be for YOU.

Marilyn, it sounds like you and your family are doing the best thing for your dad at this point.  And I'm so glad he's taking it so well...I'm sure it made it so much easier to leave, seeing him settle in and make new buddies.  Your dad sounds a lot like mine---mine's quite the social butterfly too, lol.  But I can understand why you're concerned about him getting mixed up....I really think though that they are going to be right there for him, 'directing' him to his room/bed and comforting him and easing him into this.  I couldn't agree more with Rob & Lisa, that he will be well cared for and he will probably really embrace and love his new lifestyle before you know it!   I will definitely be praying for him.

We went to visit dad today with mom and my brother/SIL. It was a good visit. He was happy to see us and told us that he is having fun. You can't always believe everything that he says because of his mental capabilities but he can't fake happy and happy he was. Mom used her walker and thought that they would think that they had the wrong patient in the home because dad is very able bodied and she isn't anymore. I put her on the walker and pushed her down to his room so she could see it. Then we went into a common room and someone was in there singing songs so that entertained dad. Mom couldn't stay long so we only stayed about half an hour. Next time we will take Hosanna, my dog, in with us. She has been missing dad and we are allowed to bring her so that will be exciting.
When we left dad didn't seem too upset that he "had to spend the night here". That is a blessing. He is very directable and just does whatever you tell him, another blessing.
Thank you all for your prayers. God is so good and He has answered many for us.

I'm glad your visit with your dad went well. I'm sure he and your mom were happy to see each other too. And I'll bet seeing your dog will cheer him up on your next visit too. When my grandfather spent time in a nursing home several years ago we brought my dog in to see him, and that cheered him up a lot. I'm glad things are going good for you right now and I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts.

Glad you had a nice time

Glad to hear you found a place for your dad. It sounds like he is doing well there.

We have had a wonderful day so far today. Mom really wanted to go to church today to see the children's Christmas program. It was so good and she enjoyed it so much. God is so good and she was blessed by the children.
Mom is doing well, but I think that she is weakening in her strength. My brothers haven't seen her in a week and then noted a big difference. She is still in no pain, praise Jesus, but she sleeps more and spends more time in bed. It is scary to watch but God is with me as I care for my best friend. She is still able to walk with a walker to the bathroom without anyone else helping her. That is a good thing but my brothers and I are concerned for the hours when I am at work and she is home alone. I think it will soon be time to call for more help for her during those morning hours. Please pray that this goes well.
Dad is still doing well. He is happy and well cared for. God is good.
I need to find a new home so please pray for me, this is the fright of my life, I have never lived alone, not sure what to think about it but God will help me.

Hi Marilyn,

I wanted to share this song with you... just remember God is with you, He is your strength during difficult times..

My aunts, uncles and cousins always gather on Boxing Day.  This was a very special day and many came to see mom.  We had this picture taken to remember our special day.

What a great picture!  You have a beautiful family, Marilyn. And you always take a great picture. You never fail to have a mischievous look on your face.

Lovely Picture!!

Aww Rob, you know me so well. I get it from my mother.

What a beautiful picture! Thank you for sharing it with us, Marilyn!

very nice picture, Marilyn!

Sorry I missed your earlier post from a couple weeks ago Marilyn....I'll be praying that you can get some more help in there for your mom, and I am also so glad to hear that your dad is doing well! What a relief for you and your family, I am sure.

I'll be praying about your living situation too...I can imagine that has to be very scary at this point in your life. Fear of the 'unknown' is always so hard. But you're going to be ok...you are a strong woman and you will get through this.

Love the picture---you have a big family! I do too (my dad is the youngest of 8 kids) but I never see and barely know most of my aunts and uncles and cousins! You are blessed.

My mother is getting weaker, I can see her struggle more and more each day. Tomorrow she goes back to the cancer centre and that always frightens me to death. She is going with my brother and sis in law who, if it were left up to them, mom would have been in the hospital long ago. I know that the time is coming and very soon but I'm not sure if it is just yet. I am praying that they don't convince mom that she needs to go there now that Christmas is over.
Please pray for her, and for me. I will be alone!!! I hate the thought. And then I have to start on finding new housing, I'm scared stiff, I am going to have a post dramatic stress disorder after all of these months. I'm so sad!

I'M sorry to here that. Hope you can keep your mother at home with you a little longer/

LIWnut wrote:

My mother is getting weaker, I can see her struggle more and more each day.  Tomorrow she goes back to the cancer centre and that always frightens me to death.  She is going with my brother and sis in law who, if it were left up to them, mom would have been in the hospital long ago.  I know that the time is coming and very soon but I'm not sure if it is just yet. I am praying that they don't convince mom that she needs to go there now that Christmas is over.  
Please pray for her, and for me.  I will be alone!!!  I hate the thought.  And then I have to start on finding new housing, I'm scared stiff, I am going to have a post dramatic stress disorder after all of these months.  I'm so sad!

Marilyn, hopefully you can stay with family or friends for a little bit while you get back on your feet... or be near them at least...
You will really need to be with people for support... this is a hard blow...

I am praying for you and your family! Believe me Marilyn you are giving your Mom the best gift ever caring for her at home! Thats what we did with my brother too.
About finding housing, My province has some very affordable apartments for those with a low income maybe yours does too?

JW wrote:

Believe me Marilyn you are giving your Mom the best gift ever caring for her at home! Thats what we did with my brother too.

Jacob, you're so right about that. My Mom suffered from dementia, and it gives me great comfort that I was able to care for her in her own home until she passed away last July.

Many prayers Marilyn. Stay strong. Can Tim help you with finding a place ? Everything you know came from your Mother, I know you can do this. Love you...

Jacob, Ontario does have low income housing and I just found out yesterday that I was approved for one bedroom apartment. God is so good in providing what we need, when we need it.

Mom went to the dr yesterday. The dr wanted to put mom's name on the palliative list at the hospital but mom wants to wait another week. She has agreed to put her name on the list on Jan 4th after the dr comes to our home to visit mom. Then it will take about a week to get a bed in the hospital. It is sad but I am at peace with this decision, SHE made it not us. Mom is now having trouble getting out of bed by herself and she can no longer get out of a chair by herself. This morning as I was headed out the door she was almost about to fall out of the bed so I am grateful that I was still there to help her. Thank you Jesus for that small gift.
Time is running short, and tho it is sad, I am at peace. I know that both she and I are in His hands. God is good and He is in control. Thanks for your continued prayers, they mean the world to me.

I'm very glad for you that you were approved for low-income housing, Marilyn. Is it pretty close to where you work?

Each situation is so different...It sounds like your mom is very much at peace with going in to the hospital when she feels it becomes necessary for her. And that's huge for both of you. This way you both know that it's her decision - and that's so important for you both. On her part, she will still feel that she has *some* control over what happens to her, and on your part, that difficult decision doesn't have to rest on your shoulders. Prayers continue for strength and grace for you both, my friend.

I am glad to hear that you may have found a housing option, but sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sure she is very thankful that you are caring for her every day. I'll continue to keep you and your mom in my thoughts.